Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your penis caused this!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
