Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
