My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
