In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
