We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
