I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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