I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
