Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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