I wish my penis had an off switch
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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