I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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