dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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