You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
