oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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