she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
