If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
