If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
