I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
