i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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