I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
this hospital has no fireball
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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