Just mADE A PArabola og urine
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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