Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
