Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
