Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
