but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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