There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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