My friends, they love my intelligence
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
