I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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