The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
