i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
