God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just puked most of my soul out..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
