Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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