So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
