So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
