I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
