Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
