so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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