i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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