Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize