I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
