Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize