I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
