So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize