He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
