It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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