Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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