Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
