Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize