4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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