Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
