3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
