**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I would ride that face into the sunset
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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