just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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