That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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