I accidentally had phone sex last night
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ugly people sure do ruin things
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
