I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
