She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
