So drunk its hurt
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
