I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
