Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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