you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
