is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Randomize
