dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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