Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize