we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
