why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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