so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
