bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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