I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
