Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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