Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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