Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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