My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
