everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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