I wannas sexs uuuuu
Pappa wants mamma naked
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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