Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
