Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
