I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
