I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
