We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
