Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You can't special order awesome
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The best revenge is premature balding
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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